I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.