I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
