A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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