Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
