tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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