watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
