I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
