i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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