Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
