she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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