i would punch a child for taco bell
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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