I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
