sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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