So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
