wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize