Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
