i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
