Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
