the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
