I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
