The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
