He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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