went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
