Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
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My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.