You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
