I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
