Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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