I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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