Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
