i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
