she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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