ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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