3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
plz talk dirty to me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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