your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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