Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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