worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
