Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
