Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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