I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
