I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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