she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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