i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
