he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
