HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
