I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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