Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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