I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
