is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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