We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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