Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
