So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
