So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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