Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My ATM looks so different sober.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
