I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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