Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
