20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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