i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
how drunk are you?
Several
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
