I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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