Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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