My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
