he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm passing your future prison.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
