I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
