awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
