then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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