If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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