That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
