he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
