I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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