i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
