As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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