Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
