My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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