why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
