So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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