The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
