You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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