Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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