i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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