I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
