I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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